Sunday, November 16, 2008

Help Wanted

Major hotel/casino in Las Vegas, Nevada seeks receptionist.

MA/MS in Psychology with minimum 5 years clinical experience. PhD and/or MD a plus.
Mastery of PBX phone system.
Able to handle multiple calls from clients with various degrees of emotional stability.

The successful candidate will receive random calls regarding headliner performances and assess psychological needs of each caller. Procedure will involve accepting initial contact, engaging client/patient for further information and to confirm emotional status, categorizing useful and legitimate information from emotional expression, then concluding call to caller's perceived satisfaction. Candidate may expect between a dozen to several hundred calls in a shift depending upon current events.

Excellent typing skills are a must. Candidate will type their own notes without benefit of dictation services and cross-reference notes on each caller with hotel reservation system.

Standard 8 AM to 5 PM shift with 1-hour lunch break to be taken according to call volume. Candidate must wear a pager for on-call duty during high-volume periods.

Commensurate with experience. Triple overtime pay for all hours over 40 per week. On call pay of $5 per hour.

Meals, after-hours alcohol, and all required pharmaceuticals included.

Submit full CV with clinical references to:
Colony Capital Partners, LLC
3000 Paradise Road
Las Vegas, NV

(With gratitude to Redcat and Peachy for inspiring this composition.)


  1. Love this blog. There is not enough money in the world for me to take this job.(lol)

  2. This would be a great job for a grad student writing a thesis on fan behavior...boy would they get some GREAT research material!

  3. The person taking the calls would have to have a direct hookup to a doctor with some strong meds; after a while, alcohol just wouldn't do it.

  4. I agree. Totally not worth the money, and not enough alcohol in the world to take that job; on the other hand, there would be some stories to tell.