Before we get into my latest epistle let's get something straight.
I am nobody.
You probably don't know my name. Or where I live. Or my family's names. Or my complete biography.
What's more, you don't care.
I had one experience where it was fun to be gawked at like a freak show. It was a local historic society's street fair where the locals showed up in period dress. Tourists showed up for the street fair and because Pete and I dressed the part, total strangers were lining up for a photo op with one or both of us. I could have soaked that up for weeks but the fair was only one day.
If you've been following this blog (or if you care to go back to the beginning for some background) you know that I lost my love of music for ten years over a conflict online.
If it was two people bitchslapping each other by email, it wouldn't have been a big deal.
I was singled out by a celebrity with an attitude problem thanks to some warped fans with their own insecurities. Intentionally or not, he made me a "local" celebrity too. And that was my first trip through a couple circles of Hell.
I was accused of revealing personal information about this man that I never had. The minute that accusation was posted, several dozen people started an argument about it. Most joined in on the side of their idol. I must have been terrible. A liar. A psychopath. I had never met most of these people, or even spoken to them online but there was an advantage to be gained by agreeing with the man they wanted attention from. On the other side there were my friends and supporters who knew that I was none of the terrible things that were posted plus others who thought that the "idol" was off his rocker. I was wonderful, creative, generous, misunderstood but patient. Where the hell did they get that from?
So here I am in the middle of an argument about me. People that I had met were passing around anecdotes of their encounters with me and a full-blown analysis and conclusion of my worth as a human being. People I had NEVER interacted with heard these stories - some benevolent, some not - and added their own perspectives, embellishing the details as they went. The worst thing I did was try to defend myself. Woooooo......bad move! It didn't resolve anyone's questions it was just more fuel for the fire.
Once the official conflict was over and done with (my "crush" and I actually called a verbal "cease-fire" in a private chat and made nice in the fan world) the speculation refused to die. In fact it mutated into studying other aspects of my life. It wasn't just something to talk about. We're talking full-on obsession.
Strangers drove by my house taking pictures.
People who were only names on a screen watched for me at concerts - and sneaked pictures when I wasn't looking. Worse than that was exaggerating every move I made and every word I said. I wore a tank top and leggings to a concert in Kansas; some asshole who thought he was being funny decided to tell his friends I was wearing babydoll lingerie in public.
I lost count of the hang-up calls at home. I put the state police on speed-dial.
Then the hang-up calls started coming at my job. I mentioned in an earlier post that I took a voluntary demotion at work. This was part of the reason why.
The only friends that I had left were ones who also had run-ins with this particular musician. Their experiences were like mine so we ended up exiled together. Precious little common ground was better than none, for all of us.
THREE YEARS after the initial silliness that snowballed out of control and I was gone from the fan world, I had a fiance, and music was a memory for me, one of the obsessives revived his habit and decided to make me the focus of his time again. Speculation on what I was doing, where I was going. It wasn't all negative, some had me envisioned as this powerful Hedda Hopper world traveller type. I was "seen" in places I'd never been! The tales were taller than ever about what I was like as a person. The hang-up calls began again. They stopped when Pete answered using his "don't even THINK about messing with me" voice.
I am nobody. I have no interest in being in the public eye. Not in entertainment or politics or anything. I am married so I have a different name. I ditched my nickname. I live in a different city. And I trust no one that isn't family.
My outlook on humanity is guarded. My name is no where in this blog. Neither is my husband's. (You don't really think his name is Pete, do you??) It will be a cold day in Hell when my childrens' names end up on line. I will never allow such a public violation to happen again. Only three people on the Manilow network know my name. I hope and pray every day I made the right choices in that.
Every post, every story in this blog is the God's honest truth but I always leave out certain details in case some of those old stalkers are still around. Sounds crazy? As recently as 2007 someone was trying to ask questions about where I currently live. They either love the person the rumors created, or they love to hate her. It's not crazy - it's fear and survival.
I only got the smallest taste of this kind of life. It's not part of my career. I'm nobody. I'm not even the person in the rumors or stories.
It's horrible. If that's what being a celebrity is, you can have it.
I don't read gossip magazines or watch "entertainment" TV shows. I don't care who someone is, or what their career is, or what they've done even in public, they don't deserve the harrassment and stalking that fuels those kinds of media. That tiny little taste I got was more than enough education for me. I wouldn't wish that kind of attention on my worst enemy's dog. I'm not going to participate in it when it comes to someone who's music I enjoy.
I'm jus' sayin....
No one knows you but they all "love" you
Just don't let them get too much of you
Careful, man
Don't forget you're the Shadow Man
Showing posts with label barry manilow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label barry manilow. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Happy Birthday Barry
Dear Barry,
Hope your upcoming birthday is the best ever. My husband and I got to see you in concert for the first time when you came to Atlanta in March. You can’t imagine how glad we were that you got out of Vegas for that show, especially having to reschedule it. I was going on 6 when “Mandy” was released and it’s one of the first songs I remember. My entire life is full of memories and fun and comforts, whatever was needed, associated with your music – and I just realized that this probably sounds like every last one of millions of letters that you’ve already gotten. It’s just as true for me too.
Atlanta was special because travel has its limits for us – we have a small child at home and a Las Vegas vacation isn’t the best idea for toddlers. But if somehow a way becomes available, we’ll be there. In the mean time we’re having a ball with the DVD from the 100th show.
Our 2-year-old got hooked on your music very suddenly. For a while, even though she was little, she didn’t show any interest in music, even pieces written for children, though her little friends did. I blew it off, thinking she was just a late bloomer in that area. One afternoon I put on your first TV special DVD to enjoy while working around the house. My daughter was engrossed in her toys and I thought she’d ignore it. Instead, about 2 bars into “It’s A Miracle” she drops her toys and just stares at the TV. She watched the entire special, asked to see it again, then asked for other discs in the TV special series. She couldn’t get enough. This went on for weeks. (Weeks? Hell, months later it’s still a routine in our house.) She started picking out favorites, learning lyrics, and dancing to the uptempo numbers. Finally after starting to absorb your music, she started paying attention to children’s’ music. But you’re still the favorite.
It’s hard to describe that moment when a door seemed to open for her and she finally understood how much fun music was. Since then with the use of the concert videos, she’s learned the names of musical instruments, how to learn lyrics, and how to clap along in rhythm to whatever’s playing. Because she made this discovery so young, she’ll never remember a time when she didn’t love music, or know how to play along with her favorites. When the time comes to start learning an instrument, she already has an idea of how they’re played and how they sound. Right now, the cymbals and drum sets are her favorites. But she imitates you playing the piano; I imagine she’ll ask for that some time in the future.
I have no idea how her tastes in music will grow and change as she grows, but I do know that it was your music and specials and concerts that got her love of music started. I was there when it happened. That love will be there as long as she can remember, just like it has been for me.
I hope that you’re not done when it comes to creating new music. Whatever you’ve got in mind I’d love to hear it whenever you can get it out. Hopefully my husband and I will get to see your show again soon. (Of course, you could always come back to Atlanta – we’ll see what we can do about holding off the snow and ice and tornadoes.)
Happy 65th and here’s to many more to come!
With much love now and forever,
Hope your upcoming birthday is the best ever. My husband and I got to see you in concert for the first time when you came to Atlanta in March. You can’t imagine how glad we were that you got out of Vegas for that show, especially having to reschedule it. I was going on 6 when “Mandy” was released and it’s one of the first songs I remember. My entire life is full of memories and fun and comforts, whatever was needed, associated with your music – and I just realized that this probably sounds like every last one of millions of letters that you’ve already gotten. It’s just as true for me too.
Atlanta was special because travel has its limits for us – we have a small child at home and a Las Vegas vacation isn’t the best idea for toddlers. But if somehow a way becomes available, we’ll be there. In the mean time we’re having a ball with the DVD from the 100th show.
Our 2-year-old got hooked on your music very suddenly. For a while, even though she was little, she didn’t show any interest in music, even pieces written for children, though her little friends did. I blew it off, thinking she was just a late bloomer in that area. One afternoon I put on your first TV special DVD to enjoy while working around the house. My daughter was engrossed in her toys and I thought she’d ignore it. Instead, about 2 bars into “It’s A Miracle” she drops her toys and just stares at the TV. She watched the entire special, asked to see it again, then asked for other discs in the TV special series. She couldn’t get enough. This went on for weeks. (Weeks? Hell, months later it’s still a routine in our house.) She started picking out favorites, learning lyrics, and dancing to the uptempo numbers. Finally after starting to absorb your music, she started paying attention to children’s’ music. But you’re still the favorite.
It’s hard to describe that moment when a door seemed to open for her and she finally understood how much fun music was. Since then with the use of the concert videos, she’s learned the names of musical instruments, how to learn lyrics, and how to clap along in rhythm to whatever’s playing. Because she made this discovery so young, she’ll never remember a time when she didn’t love music, or know how to play along with her favorites. When the time comes to start learning an instrument, she already has an idea of how they’re played and how they sound. Right now, the cymbals and drum sets are her favorites. But she imitates you playing the piano; I imagine she’ll ask for that some time in the future.
I have no idea how her tastes in music will grow and change as she grows, but I do know that it was your music and specials and concerts that got her love of music started. I was there when it happened. That love will be there as long as she can remember, just like it has been for me.
I hope that you’re not done when it comes to creating new music. Whatever you’ve got in mind I’d love to hear it whenever you can get it out. Hopefully my husband and I will get to see your show again soon. (Of course, you could always come back to Atlanta – we’ll see what we can do about holding off the snow and ice and tornadoes.)
Happy 65th and here’s to many more to come!
With much love now and forever,
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
"Talk to Me"
Texas_Fan posed some questions on her blog a few days ago, starting with "If you were to get that "phone call" what would you chat with him about?". Check them out here.
Why are these loaded questions? Why does it take so much thought? It’s as simple as talking to anyone else you meet in real life. Right?
In reality, yes. But when it comes to fans and the objects of their affection, we’re not in reality.
When fans are getting ready to meet their idols, or if they are suddenly presented with the opportunity out of the blue, talking to them is not just about an average conversation. When fans are really drop-dead honest with themselves, they want – they NEED - something very specific out of this encounter.
They want their idol to like them back.
In words on a screen, that looks pretty simple. In practice it is anything but. Each fan has a specific idea of how that meeting is going to go. And for those who make an effort to get that meeting to happen (fan club meeting, book signing, whatever) there is more dreaming, planning, fantasizing, even role-playing in some cases, in an effort to prepare for any scenario. But you can't guarantee that real life will go the way of your visions.
To make it more complicated there’s always a fear that everyone knows about, but no one wants to voice, or even admit to themselves or anyone else:
They’re afraid their idol won’t like them.
Everyone wants to be the girl that Barry enjoys dancing/singing with. (I’m referring again to the commentary track on Manilow Live!) Everyone wants to be the one that can get him to laugh at something, or appreciate a gift. NO ONE wants to be “that girl” that he tries to ignore because she’s trying too hard, or that he “mails it in” for during a dance, or worst of all, the one that Stiletto staff laugh and gossip about later. (Disclaimer: I do not know whether that last one happens or not. Some individuals in various forums claim that it has.)
Now let’s add some irony: when given the opportunity to talk to their idol, the more you plan, the harder it is. Case in point: the BMIFC filmed Barry’s Q&A session at a Florida convention in 1989. No one has done more to prepare to talk to Barry than the people attending this type of gathering. The link below is from DailyMotion.com. He makes his entrance and invites the group to start the conversation. He literally says, “Talk to me!” "Ask me something!" The responses are all over the place. He realizes that it will take forever to get them going the straightforward route - he's carrying the conversation - so he switches to fielding questions that were sent in from other parts of the world. Then after a while people started to loosen up enough so that there is actual chatting back and forth.
I’m not in a position to give advice because if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I analyze things to death and over-think them. I can empathize with the fear of rejection; my one experience in that regard has made me profoundly gunshy about meeting anyone in any branch of entertainment, in spite of the long list of good encounters I’ve had.
The best meetings I can remember were the simplest. Especially the ones in “Not What You See”. Sure, there was some preparation to get the conversation rolling and I had to clarify what I thought my role was and keep myself in a mentally comfortable place. But that is what made it simple – I made myself comfortable in my own skin and made myself stop freaking out about being in an unusual place.
So if I had that phone call or random encounter what would I say?
I’ll have to get back to you on that one. ;-) If I felt comfortable spilling any amount of my guts to Barry, everything in this blog would have been put in a letter and mailed to Los Angeles a long time ago. But it feels safer putting it here; the Internet is a big place and there is no way that organization is going to plow through all of this. The odds against a random meeting are astronomical so I can afford to not stress out thinking about it. How’s that for the coward’s way out? 8^D
Why are these loaded questions? Why does it take so much thought? It’s as simple as talking to anyone else you meet in real life. Right?
In reality, yes. But when it comes to fans and the objects of their affection, we’re not in reality.
When fans are getting ready to meet their idols, or if they are suddenly presented with the opportunity out of the blue, talking to them is not just about an average conversation. When fans are really drop-dead honest with themselves, they want – they NEED - something very specific out of this encounter.
They want their idol to like them back.
In words on a screen, that looks pretty simple. In practice it is anything but. Each fan has a specific idea of how that meeting is going to go. And for those who make an effort to get that meeting to happen (fan club meeting, book signing, whatever) there is more dreaming, planning, fantasizing, even role-playing in some cases, in an effort to prepare for any scenario. But you can't guarantee that real life will go the way of your visions.
To make it more complicated there’s always a fear that everyone knows about, but no one wants to voice, or even admit to themselves or anyone else:
They’re afraid their idol won’t like them.
Everyone wants to be the girl that Barry enjoys dancing/singing with. (I’m referring again to the commentary track on Manilow Live!) Everyone wants to be the one that can get him to laugh at something, or appreciate a gift. NO ONE wants to be “that girl” that he tries to ignore because she’s trying too hard, or that he “mails it in” for during a dance, or worst of all, the one that Stiletto staff laugh and gossip about later. (Disclaimer: I do not know whether that last one happens or not. Some individuals in various forums claim that it has.)
Now let’s add some irony: when given the opportunity to talk to their idol, the more you plan, the harder it is. Case in point: the BMIFC filmed Barry’s Q&A session at a Florida convention in 1989. No one has done more to prepare to talk to Barry than the people attending this type of gathering. The link below is from DailyMotion.com. He makes his entrance and invites the group to start the conversation. He literally says, “Talk to me!” "Ask me something!" The responses are all over the place. He realizes that it will take forever to get them going the straightforward route - he's carrying the conversation - so he switches to fielding questions that were sent in from other parts of the world. Then after a while people started to loosen up enough so that there is actual chatting back and forth.
I’m not in a position to give advice because if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I analyze things to death and over-think them. I can empathize with the fear of rejection; my one experience in that regard has made me profoundly gunshy about meeting anyone in any branch of entertainment, in spite of the long list of good encounters I’ve had.
The best meetings I can remember were the simplest. Especially the ones in “Not What You See”. Sure, there was some preparation to get the conversation rolling and I had to clarify what I thought my role was and keep myself in a mentally comfortable place. But that is what made it simple – I made myself comfortable in my own skin and made myself stop freaking out about being in an unusual place.
So if I had that phone call or random encounter what would I say?
I’ll have to get back to you on that one. ;-) If I felt comfortable spilling any amount of my guts to Barry, everything in this blog would have been put in a letter and mailed to Los Angeles a long time ago. But it feels safer putting it here; the Internet is a big place and there is no way that organization is going to plow through all of this. The odds against a random meeting are astronomical so I can afford to not stress out thinking about it. How’s that for the coward’s way out? 8^D
Friday, April 4, 2008
Forever and a Day
Finally I can get everything else down! It's hard to sit at the computer and focus on organizing words when my 2 1/2-year-old, recently dubbed "The Littlest Fanilow" (because she's obsessed w/ Barry's videos) needs attention and playtime.
Final Random Observations:
So where did I leave off...? Oh, right, the 60s segment!
The three backup girls were in the Supremes outfits, Barry and Kye were on their own for a bit. I think this was typical according to other accounts where this segment was included. The end of the segment was interesting and I'm going to have to make a few guesses here - so if I'm wrong, I'm wrong.
Toward the end of the segment (with "What the World Needs Now") the "atmosphere screen" (where the opening video was played at the start of the show, displayed the smiley face during "Can't Smile..." etc) started displaying more contemporary images with social and political messages - namely the AIDS quilt, "peace" images, etc. There are a couple of ways to express sociopolitical ideas in entertainment and media. The least effective, and yet the most common one, is the direct and loud confrontation or insulting lecture. When the media portrays a political statement by a public person, it's always in the realm of absolutes - "I'm right, anyone who disagrees with me is not only wrong but evil". My sociopolitical views run toward the conservative, so I tend to notice this mostly in the entertainment/media industry. Of course, one whose perspective is left-of-center would notice this same fault more in other fields. It's simple human nature to point out slights in groups or people that you tend to disagree with.
Barry's brief expression in his show was neither confrontational, nor bullying, nor condescending. It was a simple expression of what he felt was important. Based on what little is available in the media regarding Barry's POV on any given issue (and assuming even that is accurate) I suspect that if our solutions to current events were lined up side-by-side, we'd end up "agreeing to disagree" on quite a lot. But I got the sense that that was OK this time around - the gentle approach simply invites the viewer to contemplate world issues individually. That way, the common ground comes about more easily.
There were a couple of moments when I felt "too close" to the stage. (Yes, that's really possible.) One was "New York City Rhythm". The "round robin" with the other three guys (I don't mean that to sound insulting, I honestly don't have everyone's name memorized) has to be seen from above to be appreciated and the camera crews captured it for the big screens. The other time was the end of "Copacabana". Feathery pretzels. Feathery pretzels eating the 3 girls. Scary. Very scary. Obviously meant to be seen from a distance. Otherwise - let's just say I'm glad that joint from the 60s segment didn't get passed around. ;-)
"Mandy" was a big highlight. On video, it just looks "cute" that he's harmonizing with his 30-year-younger self. But live it took on a grander dimension. Referring again to Sweet Life, there was a good reason he looked scared to death on The Midnight Special - he was! So performing side-by-side with that video was like showing that he survived all of the problems and conflicts of his earlier career days and is still around to talk about it.
Gotta talk about the other fans. Pete and I were expecting all kinds of crazy things. We were relieved to see a whole lot of harmless fun. Like the lady one row behind us with her two daughters in matching homemade shirts and a 6-foot neon-pink sign. And four ladies with feather boas. Didn't know what the deal was there, but visitors to Philips Arena in the future should know that the bars do NOT water the booze! The strawberry daquiris from the Tiki Bar are especially strong.
The only place we ran into weirdness was on the way to the parking lot. Pete, ever the Southern Gentleman, let me use our one umbrella while he braved the drizzle. Some little dude I had never seen before in my life jumped underneath and walked next to me for half a block, chattering away as if he was my long lost preschool pal. I figured he would eventually go away but Pete is ready to persuade him physically to move along. Then some chickieboo that I also had never seen before asked me "Are you a Fanilow?" My jaw dropped open. She may as well have been speaking Martian, my reaction was that blank. You have to realize that Pete is One Big Guy and very protective of his wife. Inviting yourself into our personal space is done at your own risk. So if you're reading this, Creepy Bald Guy With Beady Eyes and Weird Girl With Stringy Black Hair, keep your distance from people you don't know or someone will enforce that distance with less generosity to your person than my husband. That is all.
Final Random Observations:
Air cannons with streamers and confetti. Perfect fun ending to a perfect fun show! I wonder if this is for Barry's entertainment as much as ours! I laughed and my mouth filled with confetti. I got in the car and confetti was on the floor. Getting undressed for bed there was a pile of confetti in the closet that fell out of my blouse. So to the stage hands - I think you have enough confetti. The leftovers with streamers, my ticket stubs, and glowsticks are sitting in a vase on my nightstand.
Barry's "game face" in his performance is perfect. Most musicians I have met or even just seen fall into one of two categories. The first is the one who has a lot going on in his/her head and every last word of it comes out his mouth. Then he gets pissy and defensive when everyone knows what he thinks and does in his private life, or it otherwise comes back to bite him in the ass. The other one is just the opposite - nothing in their head at all. All foam, no beer. Wheel is spinning but the hamster's dead. Nothing between the ears but a strong breeze. Barry bridges those two extremes. You could see in his face, in a way, that there is much, MUCH more to Barry than what is on stage. And there is a very strict line between what he shares on stage (or otherwise to the public) and what he doesn't. The world is probably a much happier place when those of us in the audience just steer clear of that line and let what's private stay that way.
When you're enjoying his concert, you only remember the songs he DOES sing. It was only a couple of days after I got home that I realized "Hey, he didn't do that song." It didn't matter a bit. You enjoy it so much that it doesn't matter one bit what he had to leave out - it's all great and all fun.
I think I understand why some people feel Barry is singing "only to them" in a show, even a major arena. He projects straight to the back of the venue and spends very little time looking right at the rows in front of him. You'd be amazed at how many performers look straight down at their shoes, or across to their bandmates most of their show. I don't think he's "giving" out emotion to the audience members; I think he draws out what's already there. So each person can imprint on the show what they're already feeling.
The finale "Forever and a Day" was sung from the lift where he introduced the 60s segment. It was just as emotional as everyone says it is. I tried to sing along but nothing would come out, so I'm mouthing the words. Eventually I had to give up singing along because the only thought was "don'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcry". The tears receded before they overflowed. Hearing this song with Barry singing it 10 feet away was like getting a hug. This was how we all felt:
My first time getting to see Barry live, after a lifetime of waiting for the chance and it was everything I wanted, needed, and hoped for. Good thing, because unless plans change and he makes a return trip, this will be the only time. I'd like to be wrong about that. It also would be nice if I could return the favor to Barry for the music he's given and the effect it's had. Can't waste too much energy on that idea. But if the situation presents itself, I'll be there with bells on.
Thank you for everything, Barry. It's amazing what you can do when you're in the right place at the right time.
(PS - the photo that I said needed to be framed found its way into an 8x10 this week. The afterglow is still there. Pete's fraternity pledge brother, who we hadn't seen in years visited our home today. His exact quote was, "Geez, you really look happy!" Well, I have a lot to be happy about these days!)
Monday, March 31, 2008
More Manilow, More Magic - Atlanta Continued
There's more sleep to catch up on than I thought.
The rest of the thoughts on the concert are in no particular order. Maybe they'll come close to the actual set list if I'm lucky. That first essay was based on the few decent pictures I got.
OK, some more thoughts on the show and surrounding entertainment as they come to me....
At every concert by every major artist, there is always THAT ONE GUY/GIRL in the front who can't clap in time to save their life. At Barry's show, that was Pete. He was with me. A big "sorry" to everyone who had to deal with that. ;-)
"Somewhere In the Night" - one of my personal favorites (and Pete's too, though not for exactly the same reason ;-) ) got included in the opening medley. My condolences to everyone who was not there with a spouse or S.O. You just can't resist a good grope session to that song! Which was just a little awkward when the seats on the floor (especially in our rows) were crammed together like sardines. I wonder what Pete and I looked like from the stage! (blush)
The rest of the thoughts on the concert are in no particular order. Maybe they'll come close to the actual set list if I'm lucky. That first essay was based on the few decent pictures I got.
OK, some more thoughts on the show and surrounding entertainment as they come to me....
At every concert by every major artist, there is always THAT ONE GUY/GIRL in the front who can't clap in time to save their life. At Barry's show, that was Pete. He was with me. A big "sorry" to everyone who had to deal with that. ;-)
"Somewhere In the Night" - one of my personal favorites (and Pete's too, though not for exactly the same reason ;-) ) got included in the opening medley. My condolences to everyone who was not there with a spouse or S.O. You just can't resist a good grope session to that song! Which was just a little awkward when the seats on the floor (especially in our rows) were crammed together like sardines. I wonder what Pete and I looked like from the stage! (blush)
Even though there was no "50s segment", they did bring out the costume change and choreography for "Bandstand Boogie". That was fun. Kye set the standard that the girls had to live up to for their little show around the song.
Quick comment on Kye (I'm guessing that really is his name because no one corrected me when I first posted it) - this is the only person on stage who is really a dancer. The backup girl who performs with him in the Mayflower segment on the M&P video comes close. But the other girls and Barry are definitely not. (Walking to a beat does not qualify as dancing.) But Kye organized the choreography and stage blocking so that everyone looks like they are of equal ability and training. No mean feat. The only time you really see what he is capable of is during his little "Copa" remix during Barry's/the girls' costume change and on the M&P video during "They Dance" - when he needs to be out front of everyone else. I wonder if he's done any solo performances before or otherwise outside of Barry's show. He could pull it off.
Speaking of ability - the William Tell Overture bit. All I had heard from the news groups and blogs and chat boards was that it was really good and really funny. I'll take under-exaggeration for 100, Alex!! We're not talking about 5 people just humming along with each other. Each one was singing a different orchestral part. Does anyone out there have the slightest idea how hard this is?
About 20 years ago, a Contemporary Christian group called "Glad" did a CD called The Acapella Project. It was the 5 guys in the band, in a 32-track studio doing orchestrated a capella versions of various hymns and spiritual songs. Beautiful collection of work and hailed as an innovative stunt. I don't remember if they toured in support of this disc, or if they even performed any of the songs from it in any live set.
Now here are the differences between Glad and Barry and Co:
- Glad's stuff was just studio - Barry's group did it live. Live as in, if someone fucks up their timing, even for a split-second, the entire venue will know it and there's no hiding. No retakes, either.
- A capella performance is sheer hell. If your tone is off, again, the whole world is going to catch it and you can't hide. I didn't see so much as a pitch pipe come out before the number.
- The William Tell Overture is much faster and more complicated with more counterpoint than anything Glad did. Thus keeping the precision is much more difficult and getting back into sync after a mistake may be nearly impossible. This isn't like barbershop or 50s do-wop which is much slower, with simpler arrangements, and easier for each person to adjust to.
- And choreography complementing the melody on top of it. So you have two aspects the 5 of them had to focus on at the same time. Presumably without tripping over each others' feet.
So this little novelty schtick was technically the most demanding part of the show, IMHO. Most people were laughing too hard from enjoying it to appreciate the technicality. This bit belongs on a live CD or DVD. THE PRECEDING SENTENCE WAS A NOT-SO-SUBTLE HINT!!!
So if Barry & Co need a new challenge, how about "Flight of the Bumblebee" next? ;-P
One more pause - need to get dinner on the table. More later!
Manilow Magic in Atlanta
Maybe the old songs
will bring back the old times
Maybe the old lines will sound new>
Maybe she'll lay her head on my shoulder
Maybe old feelings will come through
Maybe we'll start to cry and wonder why
We ever walked away
This show just might take a few posts to get through. When Pete and I watch a concert or video, we hash it through and try to analyze different observations. Maybe our conclusions are right, maybe not, it doesn't matter - that's just how we enjoy things.
To begin with, we were sitting in the second row, center. Just barely off of Barry's left hand. Definitely less than 15 feet from the mike stand in the center, less than 10 feet when he was standing on the hydraulic lift.
Here's a (crappy) picture, just for perspective:
I did manage to get some pictures with my point-and-pray camera. Most of them suck, although there are a few gems. If you want good pictures, someone posted a link on the BarryNet and you can get to them here. But the pictures on these posts are all mine, for whatever they're worth and will give you a feel for how we felt.
Brian Culbertson has a couple of new fans. Usually opening acts are merely tolerated but he put on a great set - he needed more than 30 minutes - and all kinds of things were impressive. Switching from keyboards to trombone. The great-looking sax player. The personality that came across in the instrumentals (NEVER seen that before). The fact that his dad was on the trumpet. The whole Earth, Wind, and Fire segment - EVERYONE around us was on their feet. Most of all, he was having a good time doing what he loved and was good at. Culbertson knew what he could do and had nothing to prove, and it showed.
Now for the main event......
The usual video opening. First time I saw this was on the M&P video shown on PBS. Much more of an impact when shown in its entirety on a big screen, and not part of a montage.
The backup singers hit the stage....
You can't see it well from here, but IMHO, they should reinstate the name "Lady Flash". Yes, even with the guy (Kye?) there. From the angle we were sitting and the way their dresses were made, nothing was left to the imagination. Nothing.
And the moment I've been waiting for since I was 5, and got delayed 2 months due to weather and the venue's judgement:
Set lists and the like are posted here and there on the BarryNet chat board. He did a bunch of favorites and for the most part, followed the bulk of the set list from the M&P show. He included a segment of cuts from this Songs of the 60s CD, and included "Brooklyn Blues".
A non-telephoto shot during "It's A Miracle"
Miracle - my sentiments exactly! Barry must think the ATL is cursed for him after a major snow and ice storm killed his first show. (I hope the VP of bookings got an earful of four-letter aria personally from the main man - the yutz had it coming.) Then a couple of weeks ago, a tornado totalled a few chunks of downtown within blocks of Philips Arena. Then thunderstorms rolled through north Georgia on Saturday afternoon. Vegas must look pretty good compared to that.
Yeah, I know it's blurry. I went to telephoto because I seriously wanted some close shots.
First impressions: If I am in half as good a shape, have half the energy, half the skill/talent, and half the looks that Barry does when I'm looking up close at 65, I will be One Happy Lady. Yes, I know, stage makeup, lighting, yadda yadda yadda. He didn't look a day over 50. And he performed like a man much younger than that even. So cut out the age jokes already, dude, you're not fooling anyone! ;-)
My favorite shot - I might need to print this, frame it, and hang it on the wall of my office. The only thing that would make it better is an inscription/autograph on it:
Somebody's having a good time! And so was I!
IMHO, the measure of professionalism is how well they hold themselves together WHEN something doesn't go exactly right. Not "if" something goes off, but WHEN. Barry spotted a few things that were off - only a couple were noticable to the audience.
Early on, he asked to turn down the echo on his mic. That wasn't the mic, bubeleh, that was the venue. You were playing in a cave designed for basketball and hockey, not concerts per se, and the acoustics show it. The echo delay back to the stage was almost a full second. Just like the old Summit and Rosemont Horizon. But eventually the sound guy got around it.
Every time I've seen someone flub a line (everyone does) they totally lose it. Someone flubbed a couple of lines in "Looks Like We Made It" and kept smiling, kept his composure and kept going. It sounds like Performance 101 - hold it together when you lose concentration, but no one does. Except Barry last night.
Now for the fun parts - the intro to the 60s segment with special herbal enhancement. I couldn't tell if the joint was real or a prop - you couldnt' smell anything and we were trying. No one who has read Sweet Life is suprised that he inhaled like a pro.
There was a dangerous combination here: I was getting frustrated that I couldn't get a really good shot (or so I thought) and I'm a four-star smartass. When Barry planted it in the chair of the set for the 60s intro, you can't imagine what it took for me to NOT yell at the top of my lungs, "BARRY, SIT STILL FOR A GODDAMN SECOND, WILLYA????" Or at least switch to decaf or something!
Oh, look! Someone brought a special treat. Do you have enough for the rest of the class? (Or at least the first couple of rows?)
Then he goes through some 60s/early 70s record jackets ("How did The Brady Bunch get in there?")
will bring back the old times
Maybe the old lines will sound new>
Maybe she'll lay her head on my shoulder
Maybe old feelings will come through
Maybe we'll start to cry and wonder why
We ever walked away
This show just might take a few posts to get through. When Pete and I watch a concert or video, we hash it through and try to analyze different observations. Maybe our conclusions are right, maybe not, it doesn't matter - that's just how we enjoy things.
To begin with, we were sitting in the second row, center. Just barely off of Barry's left hand. Definitely less than 15 feet from the mike stand in the center, less than 10 feet when he was standing on the hydraulic lift.
Here's a (crappy) picture, just for perspective:
I did manage to get some pictures with my point-and-pray camera. Most of them suck, although there are a few gems. If you want good pictures, someone posted a link on the BarryNet and you can get to them here. But the pictures on these posts are all mine, for whatever they're worth and will give you a feel for how we felt.
Brian Culbertson has a couple of new fans. Usually opening acts are merely tolerated but he put on a great set - he needed more than 30 minutes - and all kinds of things were impressive. Switching from keyboards to trombone. The great-looking sax player. The personality that came across in the instrumentals (NEVER seen that before). The fact that his dad was on the trumpet. The whole Earth, Wind, and Fire segment - EVERYONE around us was on their feet. Most of all, he was having a good time doing what he loved and was good at. Culbertson knew what he could do and had nothing to prove, and it showed.
Now for the main event......
The usual video opening. First time I saw this was on the M&P video shown on PBS. Much more of an impact when shown in its entirety on a big screen, and not part of a montage.
The backup singers hit the stage....
You can't see it well from here, but IMHO, they should reinstate the name "Lady Flash". Yes, even with the guy (Kye?) there. From the angle we were sitting and the way their dresses were made, nothing was left to the imagination. Nothing.
And the moment I've been waiting for since I was 5, and got delayed 2 months due to weather and the venue's judgement:
Set lists and the like are posted here and there on the BarryNet chat board. He did a bunch of favorites and for the most part, followed the bulk of the set list from the M&P show. He included a segment of cuts from this Songs of the 60s CD, and included "Brooklyn Blues".
A non-telephoto shot during "It's A Miracle"
Miracle - my sentiments exactly! Barry must think the ATL is cursed for him after a major snow and ice storm killed his first show. (I hope the VP of bookings got an earful of four-letter aria personally from the main man - the yutz had it coming.) Then a couple of weeks ago, a tornado totalled a few chunks of downtown within blocks of Philips Arena. Then thunderstorms rolled through north Georgia on Saturday afternoon. Vegas must look pretty good compared to that.
Yeah, I know it's blurry. I went to telephoto because I seriously wanted some close shots.
First impressions: If I am in half as good a shape, have half the energy, half the skill/talent, and half the looks that Barry does when I'm looking up close at 65, I will be One Happy Lady. Yes, I know, stage makeup, lighting, yadda yadda yadda. He didn't look a day over 50. And he performed like a man much younger than that even. So cut out the age jokes already, dude, you're not fooling anyone! ;-)
My favorite shot - I might need to print this, frame it, and hang it on the wall of my office. The only thing that would make it better is an inscription/autograph on it:
Somebody's having a good time! And so was I!
IMHO, the measure of professionalism is how well they hold themselves together WHEN something doesn't go exactly right. Not "if" something goes off, but WHEN. Barry spotted a few things that were off - only a couple were noticable to the audience.
Early on, he asked to turn down the echo on his mic. That wasn't the mic, bubeleh, that was the venue. You were playing in a cave designed for basketball and hockey, not concerts per se, and the acoustics show it. The echo delay back to the stage was almost a full second. Just like the old Summit and Rosemont Horizon. But eventually the sound guy got around it.
Every time I've seen someone flub a line (everyone does) they totally lose it. Someone flubbed a couple of lines in "Looks Like We Made It" and kept smiling, kept his composure and kept going. It sounds like Performance 101 - hold it together when you lose concentration, but no one does. Except Barry last night.
Now for the fun parts - the intro to the 60s segment with special herbal enhancement. I couldn't tell if the joint was real or a prop - you couldnt' smell anything and we were trying. No one who has read Sweet Life is suprised that he inhaled like a pro.
There was a dangerous combination here: I was getting frustrated that I couldn't get a really good shot (or so I thought) and I'm a four-star smartass. When Barry planted it in the chair of the set for the 60s intro, you can't imagine what it took for me to NOT yell at the top of my lungs, "BARRY, SIT STILL FOR A GODDAMN SECOND, WILLYA????" Or at least switch to decaf or something!
Oh, look! Someone brought a special treat. Do you have enough for the rest of the class? (Or at least the first couple of rows?)
"Someone is going to get a raise."
"Ah, tohellwithit."
"Have I...been here....like, a really long time?"
Then he goes through some 60s/early 70s record jackets ("How did The Brady Bunch get in there?")
"Now there's a real desperate housewife."
All of Barry's moves (or any major act for that matter) are scripted word for word. Lots of people have seen M&P in Vegas many times. And some of the same bits have been standards in concert videos for years. (Like the "Sing It" piece and story about Grandpa Joe Manilow) You can't do this kind of banter without scripting and rehearsal - ad libbing would sound awkward. It would be easy to mail it in after so many times but Barry delivered all of these stories and bits like it was the first time.
I'll finish this up tomorrow. There's lots more. It's 2:30 AM after a Very. Long. Weekend. and I finally need some sleep sometime.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
NBC Nightly News - Better Minds Through Music
As seen here (This link takes you to a blog on NBC Nightly News' website that links to resources directly involved in this study. The video of Brian Williams giving the story is available as well but it is not possible to link directly to it from here.)
NBC Nightly News reported a new (?) study that shows music ed in schools improves performance in math.
This isn't new. Studies have been showing the correlation between music and academic performace for years. If you let kids in school (at any age) take a music class, their scores on exams in academic courses go up. I grew up in school districts where music was a standard - even if it was considered an "Easy A" course to boost your GPA. Although I can think of some times when I had my doubts about the intelligence-boosting aspect. Case in point: high school chorus is rehearsing an English-version, concertized performance of Faust. High school boys get bored too easily. As a second alto, I was sitting next to the bass section so I was treated to a front-row view of their antics. Boys find things to do when bored in chorus class - like re-write the libretto. "Gounod" became "Gonad" and the situation deteriorated from there.
I liked to sing but I'll never claim that I was good at it. Today I only sing in church on Sundays. My excuse is, in church, they have to forgive you. ;-) I always wondered if my very deep alto range could be pushed further to a full contralto (basically a female tenor). Every choir director I ever had discouraged that kind of training. I could never tell if it was really bad for me, if I just didn't have enough talent for that kind of investment, or if they just had never had a female student with that deep a voice and thus had no idea how to handle it.
I skipped lunch to take chorus in school. I did feel rejuvenated going back to my academic courses. So maybe I did benefit in the way the news report said. I believe it enough to ensure that my own children get to enjoy music. Even my two-year-old has a weekly group for children her age where she can bang on Remo's line of instruments for children and play games to music and learn songs she can sing along with at home or in the car.
It makes me concerned for my children and others of my friends and neighbors when I hear that a local school district is in financial dire straits and one of the first programs cut is the music program. Gym programs get cut, and then there's public shock and outrage that kids are overweight and not active enough. Then music programs get cut, and there's public shock and outrage that kids are bored in school and glued to video games and wasting their creativity. You'd think the solutions were obvious - guess not.
Back in January Barry made news in his hometown by donating instruments to a local middle school whose instruments were literally falling apart. (News report on manilow.com) Note that the area where he lives is not poor by any means, and yet even this school district can't find a way to prioritize the needs of a practical music program. What Barry did was set an example that ANYONE can follow. So here's a few clues from a fellow parent who is probably going to deal with this situation in her own school district:
NBC Nightly News reported a new (?) study that shows music ed in schools improves performance in math.
This isn't new. Studies have been showing the correlation between music and academic performace for years. If you let kids in school (at any age) take a music class, their scores on exams in academic courses go up. I grew up in school districts where music was a standard - even if it was considered an "Easy A" course to boost your GPA. Although I can think of some times when I had my doubts about the intelligence-boosting aspect. Case in point: high school chorus is rehearsing an English-version, concertized performance of Faust. High school boys get bored too easily. As a second alto, I was sitting next to the bass section so I was treated to a front-row view of their antics. Boys find things to do when bored in chorus class - like re-write the libretto. "Gounod" became "Gonad" and the situation deteriorated from there.
I liked to sing but I'll never claim that I was good at it. Today I only sing in church on Sundays. My excuse is, in church, they have to forgive you. ;-) I always wondered if my very deep alto range could be pushed further to a full contralto (basically a female tenor). Every choir director I ever had discouraged that kind of training. I could never tell if it was really bad for me, if I just didn't have enough talent for that kind of investment, or if they just had never had a female student with that deep a voice and thus had no idea how to handle it.
I skipped lunch to take chorus in school. I did feel rejuvenated going back to my academic courses. So maybe I did benefit in the way the news report said. I believe it enough to ensure that my own children get to enjoy music. Even my two-year-old has a weekly group for children her age where she can bang on Remo's line of instruments for children and play games to music and learn songs she can sing along with at home or in the car.
It makes me concerned for my children and others of my friends and neighbors when I hear that a local school district is in financial dire straits and one of the first programs cut is the music program. Gym programs get cut, and then there's public shock and outrage that kids are overweight and not active enough. Then music programs get cut, and there's public shock and outrage that kids are bored in school and glued to video games and wasting their creativity. You'd think the solutions were obvious - guess not.
Back in January Barry made news in his hometown by donating instruments to a local middle school whose instruments were literally falling apart. (News report on manilow.com) Note that the area where he lives is not poor by any means, and yet even this school district can't find a way to prioritize the needs of a practical music program. What Barry did was set an example that ANYONE can follow. So here's a few clues from a fellow parent who is probably going to deal with this situation in her own school district:
- You can't rely on a school district or board of education to make the best decisions and provide every educational opportunity your children need.
- Music programs are not about turning your kid into the next Mozart, Yo Yo Ma, or Kelly Clarkson. They are about opening them to a different dimension of life and probably helping them in their academic studies. Music is not less important just because most kids taking it are not going to be famous.
- It shouldn't take a celebrity to draw attention to or provide a solution to gaps in the school program. It's nice, but not a key.
- Take the study mentioned above and others like it seriously.
- Fighting the Board of Ed is only one option. Others include passing the hat amongst yourselves to fund a boosters program, or finding a music program outside of the public school system - like your house of worship or local cultural center. They almost universally have a childrens' music program.
- Nothing is stopping YOU from enjoying these programs, either! My daughter has learned to love to dance because of the music in our house and in preschool. She has a thing for the drums too - I won't tell her 'no' if that's what she wants to play! That mistake my folks made won't be repeated.
Bottom line - everyone benefits when children and their families have a chance to make music (no matter how badly). But don't expect the school board or anyone else to automatically make it happen for you!
8^D
Monday, March 3, 2008
Info for anyone travelling to the Atlanta show on 3/29
Update: Atlanta has some bigger issues than dirty glasses in Hotel rooms these days.
Atlanta Storms
Call and confirm your reservations now while there's still time before the show.
Persusing the chat boards on the Internet, I learned that there are a lot of fans travelling from out of town and out of state for Barry's show at Philips Arena. Many of you will likely be staying at The Omni at CNN Center, right near the venue.
HEADS UP: bring your own drinking glasses for the bathroom. This is not a hoax or a joke.
WAGA-TV/DT FOX5 in Atlanta ran an expose - including hidden video - that shows that housekeeping did/does not clean the glasses properly after each guest stays in a room. The reporters specifically mentioned the Omni at CNN, in addition to a number of other high-end hotels in the city. (Like Crowne Plaza - Ravinia, and the midtown Hyatt for instance)
The main story right from the source is here. Lots of links, including streaming video. Scroll to the bottom and look for anything labeled "I-Team Investigation." Check 'em out.
On the incredibly slim chance that someone from Stiletto is reading this - pack some extra dishware for the trip. I would if I were you.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Lonely Together
Your eyes are sad eyes, mine are too.
Doesn't take too much to see what we've been through.
But dry your eyes now, you'll be just fine
We can drown our aching hearts in this glass of wine
Well I hate to say "what's done is done"
It's just two can ease this pain much better than one.
Why are the terms "housewife", "soccer mom", and "minivan" incentives for pity or disdain?
Is there anything greater than seeing your child excited to go to school? And just as excited to see you pick them up? That smile when they see you as they wake up from a nap? It's true the old saying - the hand that rocks the cradle IS the hand that rules the world!
The last quarter of 2007 promised to be packed. I can live with stress if my schedule is planned and Pete and I check in frequently for changes. Social events interspersed with the holidays, other obligations and a big family reunion a short drive away were all on the menu. My folks were staying with us for a couple of weeks to see their granddaughter and then drive to the reunion together, and then celebrate Thanksgiving.
In the midst of this craziness, at the beginning of November, I discovered I was expecting Baby #2. Pete and I were over the moon! For a lot of reasons we didn't think we could have more children even though we wanted to raise siblings. Our daughter learned to say "Big Sister". My parents were happy they would have another grandchild to spoil. They arrived at our home and planned to rest before packing up my Mom-Mobile for the reunion weekend.
I'm usually tired at the beginning of pregnancy. But my knees were weak. Then there was the pain. Then the bleeding. Then the night in the emergency room, the day I spent on the couch while Pete was at work fighting fatigue after looking after me. My folks were an Abbott & Costello routine. Mom never had any problems carrying me, so she didn't know how it felt when something was wrong.
The night before the drive to the reunion was an ER night. I ran down my symptoms and timeline to the doctor, who smartassed me about whether I had everything timed to the minute. "Sweetheart, just listen, OK? Stop blowing me off. I was in here last night and I'm telling you, something is wrong!"
I dozed off. Thirty minutes later Doctor Smartass returned with a subdued demeanor.
"This looks like a miscarriage. Your hormone levels have dropped by half in less than 24 hours. The nurse will be in soon with some more information." She stroked my leg before leaving. Pete was in shock. I started to cry. I am so used to being told that I'm overreacting to little aches and pains a part of me was waiting for the reassurance that the baby was fine. But I knew on the way to the ER.... he was gone.
The nurse showed up. Doctors and nurses don't like delivering bad news any more than patients want to hear it. My discharge reports were written up. Pamphlets on "pregnancy loss", information on local support groups. Medical advice: this early, there was probably a major chromosomal problem, it would be impossible for the baby to survive. Even if you could save him, you wouldn't want to. How no one talks about it but 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I knew all of this. Pete didn't care, he just wanted me to get home and for both of us to rest. We were told not to travel anywhere for the next few days in case this oh-so-natural process took yet another turn for the worse. Great. Our reunion trip was cancelled, too. The medical staff avoided looking at us as we left.
I went straight to bed at home. Pete spoke to my folks. He told them to go on ahead without us. Tell them anything, but don't kill the party. We need to be alone. Come back afterwards we'll have Thanksgiving. Can you see her? No, really, LEAVE HER ALONE!!
We had two full days alone with our daughter. Pete took most of the parenting duties from me so I could rest. But nap times were reinforced and extended - we needed the time together.
More boredom. I finished a digital art project I had been procrastinating on. Maybe there's something on TV. I flipped through that grid dozens of times. 500 channels on the fucking satellite box and there's "nothing on".
I looked through the DVR grid of recordings I was keeping for "someday". We lay in each others arms and watched De-Lovely, a musical biography of Cole Porter. We sobbed quietly during the scenes where Linda Porter was dying. Life was so fragile. We'd both seen death before but the film reinforced how suddenly it came.
End. Delete. Next.
Toward the bottom of the grid was an entry I made months earlier but just didn't get around to watching: Barry Manilow: Manilow Live! I recorded it from the hi def channel when I saw it on the grid for "someday" when I needed some background music. Barry's music got caught up in the musical exile years earlier. Strangely enough, except for his TV specials, I had never seen him in concert. Even after the "exile", concert dates were announced and I wanted to see him and there was always a conflict. We moved to Georgia during his "Farewell Tour" and missed every possible date. Then by the time I knew he was set up at the Vegas Hilton, we had a baby and we don't want to go running off to Vegas when children need us more. So I gave up again; I wouldn't be able to see the show live. I got over it, like everything else I got over.
"Pete, I want to watch this. Don't laugh, OK?"
"I wouldn't laugh at that, hon. My mom had Manilow going all the time in her hair salon while I was growing up. I listened to him too. Watch whatever makes you happy." He really meant it.
I start the recording and within a couple of seconds a wave of wonderful memories came flooding back. Barry's music was a staple "after school" rotation. Hearing the concert open with "Could It Be Magic" was like seeing an old friend again that hadn't seen you in a while, but never forgot you or stopped caring.
Halfway through the song, he stops to do his opening schpiel.
"You're right. We need to plan to do that. We need something good to look forward to."
We enjoyed the rest of the tape and were sure to save it. One high point was Chickieboo from BFE having a thermonuclear meltdown on stage during "Can't Smile Without You". What on Earth was with some of those signs?? The flirting with the first few rows on "Somewhere in the Night" melted some of the ice I put up around my love of music years ago. The guy doesn't even have to try to get a rise out of these women, and what's worse, he knows it! Pete's interest was rekindled with "When October Goes" and the entire Sinatra set. (Another record I missed.....) Maybe it's time to go back and find all of these again.
The folks returned Sunday. We got through the week visiting and not talking about what we have come to call "my ER visit." I got Thanksgiving dinner on the table - the first time I did it single-handedly. I slept for almost two days after that holiday. Mom & Dad went back home Saturday after Thanksgiving and we were back to recovering. I had no intention of doing my usual social things outside of the house. We were going to make it to Christmas and New Years', then see what happened.
Sunday afternoon as the baby had her dinner I got on the internet and pulled up Ticketmaster's website. I didn't know who was coming to town but I was going to find something that we both liked and come hell or high water, we were going to just let loose and enjoy ourselves and to hell with what anyone thought.
The first search engine result was Barry's "Music & Passion" in Atlanta on January 19.
Credit card, fast typing, seat search, best available, floor seats-YEA!!-more typing, confirmed.
Doesn't take too much to see what we've been through.
But dry your eyes now, you'll be just fine
We can drown our aching hearts in this glass of wine
Well I hate to say "what's done is done"
It's just two can ease this pain much better than one.
Why are the terms "housewife", "soccer mom", and "minivan" incentives for pity or disdain?
Is there anything greater than seeing your child excited to go to school? And just as excited to see you pick them up? That smile when they see you as they wake up from a nap? It's true the old saying - the hand that rocks the cradle IS the hand that rules the world!
The last quarter of 2007 promised to be packed. I can live with stress if my schedule is planned and Pete and I check in frequently for changes. Social events interspersed with the holidays, other obligations and a big family reunion a short drive away were all on the menu. My folks were staying with us for a couple of weeks to see their granddaughter and then drive to the reunion together, and then celebrate Thanksgiving.
In the midst of this craziness, at the beginning of November, I discovered I was expecting Baby #2. Pete and I were over the moon! For a lot of reasons we didn't think we could have more children even though we wanted to raise siblings. Our daughter learned to say "Big Sister". My parents were happy they would have another grandchild to spoil. They arrived at our home and planned to rest before packing up my Mom-Mobile for the reunion weekend.
I'm usually tired at the beginning of pregnancy. But my knees were weak. Then there was the pain. Then the bleeding. Then the night in the emergency room, the day I spent on the couch while Pete was at work fighting fatigue after looking after me. My folks were an Abbott & Costello routine. Mom never had any problems carrying me, so she didn't know how it felt when something was wrong.
The night before the drive to the reunion was an ER night. I ran down my symptoms and timeline to the doctor, who smartassed me about whether I had everything timed to the minute. "Sweetheart, just listen, OK? Stop blowing me off. I was in here last night and I'm telling you, something is wrong!"
I dozed off. Thirty minutes later Doctor Smartass returned with a subdued demeanor.
"This looks like a miscarriage. Your hormone levels have dropped by half in less than 24 hours. The nurse will be in soon with some more information." She stroked my leg before leaving. Pete was in shock. I started to cry. I am so used to being told that I'm overreacting to little aches and pains a part of me was waiting for the reassurance that the baby was fine. But I knew on the way to the ER.... he was gone.
The nurse showed up. Doctors and nurses don't like delivering bad news any more than patients want to hear it. My discharge reports were written up. Pamphlets on "pregnancy loss", information on local support groups. Medical advice: this early, there was probably a major chromosomal problem, it would be impossible for the baby to survive. Even if you could save him, you wouldn't want to. How no one talks about it but 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I knew all of this. Pete didn't care, he just wanted me to get home and for both of us to rest. We were told not to travel anywhere for the next few days in case this oh-so-natural process took yet another turn for the worse. Great. Our reunion trip was cancelled, too. The medical staff avoided looking at us as we left.
I went straight to bed at home. Pete spoke to my folks. He told them to go on ahead without us. Tell them anything, but don't kill the party. We need to be alone. Come back afterwards we'll have Thanksgiving. Can you see her? No, really, LEAVE HER ALONE!!
We had two full days alone with our daughter. Pete took most of the parenting duties from me so I could rest. But nap times were reinforced and extended - we needed the time together.
More boredom. I finished a digital art project I had been procrastinating on. Maybe there's something on TV. I flipped through that grid dozens of times. 500 channels on the fucking satellite box and there's "nothing on".
I looked through the DVR grid of recordings I was keeping for "someday". We lay in each others arms and watched De-Lovely, a musical biography of Cole Porter. We sobbed quietly during the scenes where Linda Porter was dying. Life was so fragile. We'd both seen death before but the film reinforced how suddenly it came.
End. Delete. Next.
Toward the bottom of the grid was an entry I made months earlier but just didn't get around to watching: Barry Manilow: Manilow Live! I recorded it from the hi def channel when I saw it on the grid for "someday" when I needed some background music. Barry's music got caught up in the musical exile years earlier. Strangely enough, except for his TV specials, I had never seen him in concert. Even after the "exile", concert dates were announced and I wanted to see him and there was always a conflict. We moved to Georgia during his "Farewell Tour" and missed every possible date. Then by the time I knew he was set up at the Vegas Hilton, we had a baby and we don't want to go running off to Vegas when children need us more. So I gave up again; I wouldn't be able to see the show live. I got over it, like everything else I got over.
"Pete, I want to watch this. Don't laugh, OK?"
"I wouldn't laugh at that, hon. My mom had Manilow going all the time in her hair salon while I was growing up. I listened to him too. Watch whatever makes you happy." He really meant it.
I start the recording and within a couple of seconds a wave of wonderful memories came flooding back. Barry's music was a staple "after school" rotation. Hearing the concert open with "Could It Be Magic" was like seeing an old friend again that hadn't seen you in a while, but never forgot you or stopped caring.
Halfway through the song, he stops to do his opening schpiel.
It was like a light went on. "Do you realize it has been forever since we've been out to a concert? Not just a freebie, I mean something we were really into," I asked.I hope you're feeling great, and if you're not, I'm here to make you feel better!
"You're right. We need to plan to do that. We need something good to look forward to."
We enjoyed the rest of the tape and were sure to save it. One high point was Chickieboo from BFE having a thermonuclear meltdown on stage during "Can't Smile Without You". What on Earth was with some of those signs?? The flirting with the first few rows on "Somewhere in the Night" melted some of the ice I put up around my love of music years ago. The guy doesn't even have to try to get a rise out of these women, and what's worse, he knows it! Pete's interest was rekindled with "When October Goes" and the entire Sinatra set. (Another record I missed.....) Maybe it's time to go back and find all of these again.
The folks returned Sunday. We got through the week visiting and not talking about what we have come to call "my ER visit." I got Thanksgiving dinner on the table - the first time I did it single-handedly. I slept for almost two days after that holiday. Mom & Dad went back home Saturday after Thanksgiving and we were back to recovering. I had no intention of doing my usual social things outside of the house. We were going to make it to Christmas and New Years', then see what happened.
Sunday afternoon as the baby had her dinner I got on the internet and pulled up Ticketmaster's website. I didn't know who was coming to town but I was going to find something that we both liked and come hell or high water, we were going to just let loose and enjoy ourselves and to hell with what anyone thought.
The first search engine result was Barry's "Music & Passion" in Atlanta on January 19.
Credit card, fast typing, seat search, best available, floor seats-YEA!!-more typing, confirmed.
I ran down to the kitchen with the confirmation to show Pete. I must have looked insane, grinning.
"He's in town??? Then we're going! We both need this. YOU need it," he reassured me.
"You're OK with going to a Barry concert?" Of course he was. Once the secretaries at work find out about this he's going to be considered the nicest guy alive and they'll prioritize anything he wants.
"Of course, whatever makes you happy." Again, he meant it.
"Even if I'm throwing myself at another guy?" Even I can't tell if I'm only teasing or not.
He smiled the way he does when the baby is trying his patience but it's so cute he can't help himself. "Sure. Go crazy for one night, it's OK." Another strategic move. Let Barry get me hot and bothered for 90 minutes and then reap the benefit at home afterwards. All he has to do is drive the car.
In one of the lowest times I can remember, a ray of light came on and brightened not only the current sadness, but started to dispell past losses too. That show was recorded around 2000 or so. Years later it made a positive impact no one could have predicted. I could almost feel a long-forgotten part of my soul beginning to regenerate.
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