Sometimes I remember
all the days I never knew
If I would ever make it through
But just when I'd give up again
I'd remember when the days were stormy
Home was always waiting for me
When you first get "hooked" on something new - hobby or whatever - you don't realize how much it occupies your thoughts or how it creeps into whatever else you're doing. iTunes got installed on my computer. Then CDs that were in my office started getting loaded in while working on email or other projects. Then money started getting dropped on songs I had forgotten at iTunes store. Then when stopping in Best Buy for computer peripherals, I find myself in the audio section looking for adapter cables for my old turntable and tape deck to plug into the computer. Then it's digging around in the stored CDs for lost gems. Pete's collection was raided too: Creedence Clearwater Revival and The Beatles got lifted. ("Pure Disco" got left behind - geez, for his own good I'm going to have to burn that!) Even a few CDs that the "old crush" had something to do with reappeared. It didn't hurt any more to listen to them - the only memories and feelings now were the original fun ones. I understand there's an iPod coming on our anniversary.
Just as it had done my whole life, music found its way back into my heart and soul before I realized it. Heart and soul were whole again when I heard a song that I bought when I heard it was included in Barry's current set.
"Forever and a Day".
And once our hearts were full
And once we felt the flame
Such hunger then, much younger then
But really we're the same
And once the music played
And once they lit the light
And years ago, we felt a glow so very like tonight
The reaction was one I had experienced only once before in my life. In the past I would often put a CD in the computer CD player and listen to something new while working. Once, a song struck me so suddenly I had my face in my hands, my forehead on the edge of the desk, and sobbing uncontrollably. It was a musical adaptation of a classic book. To get it out of my system I had to repeat the opening song and keep crying until the sobs stopped on their own. "Forever and a Day" found that same place in my heart and had the same effect. It reminded me that the good memories don't have to die and new ones don't have to be thwarted. Enough time had passed and enough lessons were learned that it is safe to let myself feel the full emotional spectrum again.
After those ten years my approach is going to be different. Music didn't fail me - conflicts within fan groups did. So fan gatherings and the like are out of the question. I'm not quite that naive these days. When Barry finally gets to Atlanta I'm going to enjoy watching the reactions of the fan club from afar. (Word on the street is the venue cancelled the January performance due to icy weather; Atlanta's first snow in years! Even though the crew was setting up the stage and the musicians, including Barry I think, were already there. Anyone care to speculate which four-letter words Barry was spewing when that decision was made? >;-D )
Naturally, the date that was selected was one of the busiest in my spring schedule. I'm at a convention an hour away. Guess who's walking out early and racing home that night?? Everyone else can take a number - this is the first and probably the only time I'll see this man perform live. The convention staff will be wise to just get out of the way!
And now I know it will always be that way
For you, for me, forever and a day.